Before I move forward with writing new material, I was so excited to republish my original blogs. The theme in this blog has definitely kept me going the last couple years living in New York City and I wanted to share this again. I was recently reminded of “seeing your want” in my Movement class at Stella Adler with my wonderful instructor, Nick Piacente. When you see your want, all can be possible. Originally published November 29th, 2012. Edited by JT Silva.
Day One – November 29, 2012
Today is the day. The day that I’ve been anticipating for as long as I can remember. With that thought in mind, naturally, it made my nerves and anxiety skyrocket while I was on the airplane from San Antonio to New York City. Thankfully, my fear of embarrassing myself in front of strangers on a plane, whom I will most likely never see again in my life, saved me from having a panic attack.
Several times, the thoughts of uncertainty occurred in my mind. Can I survive this city, chasing the dream, readjusting my entire life and routine, and not seeing my family and friends as often? What happens if I fail? How do I explain my failure to everyone I left behind? Then, I thought of a little situation I got myself into when I was about eight years old.
My cousin and I were swimming at the public pool and were SO bored of our kiddie pool. The most exciting thing happening around us was seeing the mothers slip past the “No Running” sign as they chased their screaming babies. Looking over at the “big kids” pool, I was amazed! They had diving boards, the pool was as long as a football field, it seemed to catch more shine and glare from the sun, and there was way more room to swim! I dragged my little cousin along to go over with me and told her with excitement, “Miranda, we are swimming straight across this!”
Miranda and I didn’t even hesitate. We jumped in and started swimming. About one-third of the way, I started to feel my body give out. My arms were sore. My entire legs were throbbing. The sun was burning my eyes. Chlorine water was getting in my mouth. Instant panic shot to my brain. I realized in a split second that either I could give up and literally DIE or, I could push through no matter what the pain was and make it to the other side, ALIVE!
I closed my eyes, stopped swimming, and hoped a lifeguard would see me drowning…KIDDING. I wanted to scream and cry, but knowing what was at stake (Umm, like my LIFE!) I painfully pushed through and made it to the other side. That is what I wanted so badly at that moment in time; to make it to the other side of that pool, alive.
In my eyes, San Antonio is the kiddie pool and New York City is the big kids pool. At this moment in time, what I want more than anything is to be in NYC to pursue theatre. This is what I’d dreamt up when I walked on a stage that first time as “Aunt Ola” in The Cover of Life; or the first time I saw RENT and watched in tears as the cast sang “Seasons of Love”. So, no matter how many times I get lost on a subway, hear a “No” at an audition, or just feel like the city is ultimately kicking my ass, I will just remember to push through no matter what the pain is to make it out alive. Because, I can.
So, my little swimmers, when the times get tough, focus on what you really want. It’s usually worth it. Just keep swimming!